Disastrous Disaster
by Kamia Keehl
Summary: One Alucard is disaster enough.. but what about a dozen of it? Girlycard, Riocard, all kinds of Alucard in here. Random epic fail. I hope it's AxI in the end.
1. Disaster That Comes From Hell

**Disclaimer: **I DO NOT OWN HELLSING. The lucky bastard goes to Kouta Hirano. AKH, FORGIVE MY LANGUAGE OH MIGHTY KOUTA HIRANO! *bows*

* * *

**Chapter 1**

**DISASTER THAT COMES FROM HELL**

* * *

She doesn't know what's happening. One moment she's still working on the paperwork and the next, she stood there, shocked on what she sees. At first she noticed the commotion in the living room, maybe Alucard's bidding, but that's not the case. What she sees shocked her more than if she sees a hundred median inside her mansion.

No, this is much worse.

She tries to speak something but at loss for words. After all, what's your reaction if you see a… chibi Alucard?!

"Oh, Master, you're here!" He runs to her but stumbles and land face first on the carpet. He gets up and just sits there for a moment before he… bawls. "Master, Master, it hurts! My nose hurts!" He said, running to Integra and hugs her legs tightly. Bloody tears trail his cheek as he sobs. Integra keep still before she kneels and hug the little vampire, feeling more shocked. Why didn't she ask what's his intentions or the joke he made. Or maybe command him to change back, but instead she cradles the little Alucard in her arms.

"He's crying again, is he?" A voice came from the door. Integra looks up to be met by what looks like a boy with long black hair, looking feminine. "I suppose it's normal for a little child like him."

"Who are you?" She asked with a stern voice.

"Who am I…?" The boy asked, almost shocked. Then he walks closer to the director of Hellsing and purrs, "Don't you recognize me, Master…?"

Integra once again was at loss for words before she manage to choke out, "Alucard?!"

"Correct." He grinned.

"H-How…?" Before she can finish her sentence, she sees someone wearing straps walking with a blood pack in his hand. Looking up, she's met with the old Alucard. His white long hair sways around like a living thing before he raised an eyebrow. He yawns and then walks to the chair before making himself comfortable and sipping on the blood pack. Not just that, from the corner of her eyes she could see a boy which looks like Alucard but younger was hiding behind the curtains.

Before she could ask more, a hellhound walks in casually and prompts itself in front of the fireplace, yawning widely and put his head on his paws.

That does it. Her last patience was wavering and she practically yells, "WHAT THE BLOODY HELL HAPPENED?!"

* * *

With the chibi Alucard on her lap, the boy with long hair explains most of the problems. How suddenly they appear at the same time, looking at each other with shock written on their faces. Apparently they're the forms that Alucard took in the old days and maybe now. Like the white haired one, it's the first form he took when Integra found him in the dungeon. Then the long haired one was when he's under the care of her father. The little boy was Vlad. And there's still Riocard, or so they say, is the form when he went to Brazil.

Integra huffs, "So, where is this… Riocard…?"

The long haired one smiles, "Oh, he's just grabbing some blood from downstairs."

The leader of Hellsing frowns and then groans. If one Alucard is disaster enough, what about dozens, that's going to be hell. She hopes Vlad won't do anything rash like the others, since he looked obedient enough. The white haired one won't do anything extreme she guess, he's too lazy to do anything. But the long haired one may be a problem.

Walter told her about those days, its fun but a disaster as well.

"And where is the real Alucard…?"

"_We_ are Alucard," The long haired one said. "Heck, even we are _one_, and we don't know what happened that could cause this."

"Apparently he's us, and because we're being separated, that mean he's gone." The white haired one decided to spoke. He looks calm and mature, but oh, do not trust Alucard that easily. "But we don't know about the little one, we never use that form."

Integra raised an eyebrow, "Is that so…? Have this ever happened before?"

"Unfortunately, no," He replied, sucking on the blood. "But maybe Walter could tell us something. He's been here for more than fifty years."

"Bloody hell," Integra said, closing her eyes. "Walter is out of the mansion for a couple of days, he's getting some supplies. I just hope Seras didn't freak out when she found out about this."

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

Integra look at them, almost sweat-dropping, "Forget that."

* * *

Seras look at them like she could die any moment—though she's already dead. Pointing to everyone she stutters, "S-so this is m-m-master…? All of y-you…?"

"Yes," They all said at the same time.

"Y-you all…? Even you…?" She said, pointing to the hellhound who barks in response.

"Now, let's skip the dramatic part and let's get down to business." Integra said, snapping her fingers before settling herself on the biggest chair in the room. "I need to name every each of you, first from…" She looks around and point at the young boy, "You, I will call you Vlad because it's your real name, is it not?"

"Y-yes, madam,"

"Sir," Integra added. "Now, the next one is you, I will call you Black," She points to the hellhound who shows his teeth, makes it looks like he's grinning—and hell, that's one creepy picture if you see it. "And you as Riocard," She said, pointing to the man with glasses who's now drinking from the blood pack. Then she looks at the rest and says, "I don't know what I should call you… Seras, any ideas…?"

"Umm, maybe the white haired could be called, umm…" She looks up. "Rein would be good?"

"Rein?" Integra asked as Seras nods. The woman ponders for a moment before she brightens up, "Yes, yes, that would do. Now about the two of you…"

"Girlycard!" The young vampire piped.

Integra almost stumble from her place on the chair before fixing her glasses and looks at the blonde haired vampire while crossing her arms, "Girlycard…? What the bloody hell is that for a name?"

"Sorry, Sir," Seras apologize. "It's just that the long haired one looks like a female… he has nice cuts too. I almost mistook him as a girl."

Before the said vampire could object, Integra claps her hand and then smiles mischievously, "That settles it then! And I will call this little one," She said, patting the chibi Alucard. "Alu. Now, let's settle this down and get to work, we need to solve this problem. I just hope Walter would be back sooner than I thought."

* * *

**NOTE**: Ah, a disastrous chapter. I'm sorry if it's so random, got the idea from a picture. Do you honestly want to know what's my reaction if I see a chibi Alucard...? Oh, trust me, you don't.


	2. The Maids and Alucards

**Disclaimer: **I DO NOT OWN HELLSING. The lucky bastard goes to Kouta Hirano. AKH, FORGIVE MY LANGUAGE OH MIGHTY KOUTA HIRANO! *bows*

* * *

**Chapter 1**

**THE MAIDS AND ALUCARDS**

* * *

The maids were here in the morning to clean up. Bella, one of the maids giggling while dusting the vase and her friend, Marry was talking about the new boy in the block, giggling as well. Bella decided to get some brooms to sweep the floor, and maybe a mop too, since it's been ages the floor were cleaned.

The brunette smile, "I'll be back, and you're going to do the mopping." After some arguing about who should mop, Marry grumbles and nodded in defeat.

She continues to swipe the glasses of the window before she looks up to see red eyes reflected itself in the glass. She yelps and turns around abruptly, but found no one in the hall. Sighing and hoping it's just the sun, she continues to her work and then move to the pictures that hanged on the wall. She dusted some while humming to herself, silently mesmerized by the magnificent faces of peoples and Hellsing ancestors. Especially the Lady Hellsing, she's a beautiful and kind-hearted lady, she heard. She looks just like Sir Integra, except for the blonde mane.

Sometimes she wished she could be Sir Integra, beautiful and men would swoon for her love. But then again, she heard that this is not just an army of people but vampires as well. She doesn't believe it though, no such thing ever exist. Though she heard some weird gossip around that there is something in this manor, whether it's a vampire or a ghost she's not sure.

Dusting once more she turns around to be met by… a head, on the wall, just the head. And it's grinning to her.

Failed to scream, she fainted.

* * *

Integra inhale the rich scent of her smoke before she looks at the vampire in front of her. If this is a cartoon, you'll see that there's a big vein popping on her forehead.

Puffing a smoke, she narrows her eyes, "How many times do I have to tell you…" She repressed the urge to scream but failed. "NOT TO SCARE THE MAIDS AWAY! I know you're bored, but need I to remind you that we have to search for a way so that we could bring Alucard back?"

"So, what?" The long haired boy almost sneers at her. "We could do the research any time."

"And you could scare the maids in other times."

"But I'm bored," He replied, sluggishly walk to the edge of the desk when suddenly a chair move on its own accord seconds before he sits on it. "I know there haven't been any actions outside, but we need to do something."

Integra raised an eyebrow, "You mean _you_ need to do something."

"Yes, me, them, it's the same." He rolled his eyes. Integra must say, it's rather interesting seeing the childish part of Alucard actually came from this young lad—and it came pretty often. And when he's behaving, she bet it's from Vlad, God, bless that kid. The tapping fingers on her table reminded her of matters at hand. The boy looks at her, boredom written all over his face. "So, any work for me?"

Integra concentrated on the paperwork, hoping it would give her some idea but then her frown slowly change into a smirk as she says, "I have a job for you, it's not that hard and maybe you'll have some fun too, trust me."

* * *

Vlad, though being a polite young man he is, can't help but to laugh at his other self. Even the others already laugh wholeheartedly, not caring about the glare they received. Just look at him! It's true that the suit did match his appearance, but please… maid uniform? Vlad try to suppress his laughter but failed miserably, even Black—the hellhound—already rolling on the carpet with glee. And the boy in the middle could only fume.

Rein grins, "Lovely dress there, _Girly_," He said in a mocking tone.

Girlycard just growls, "How can you see yourself dressed in this maid uniform? I am you."

"Oh no," Rein said, shaking his head. "Even though we are one, you are you and we are we. That's different. And I like to have something to laugh at once in a while."

Everyone laughs as the boy in the middle growls. Integra appears from the doorway and smirks, "Nice suit, there, Girlycard. You do look good in it, and beware of the Wild Geese. They like to sneak around with girls." She grins and Alu run towards her as she scoops the little vampire in her arms. It's strange because it's been ages since she enjoys something, other than winning battles of course. But this… it's strange that she rather enjoy it. Well it's not like she could tease Alucard every now and then. And when she got the chance, oh boy, she won't waste another minute.

Snapping back to reality she hushes the boy, "Come, come, you need to do some work fast, no?"

He fumes, "Then what about the others? Didn't they get any work at all?"

"Of course they do." Integra replied as everyone look at her in sheer horror. Before the long haired boy could smirk and declare victory, Integra added while smiling, "But only you who get the special suit."

* * *

In the end, Rein gets to mop the floor, Girlycard to dust the place, Vlad to sweep, Riocard to settle furniture into its right place and Black to push the bucket for Rein. Meanwhile, Alu is with Integra in one of the couches, staring at them working on cleaning the whole mansion while gulping blood from the blood pack.

The leader of Hellsing herself was reading a book, sipping the tea she made once in a while. Sometimes she could check if the vampires work, and when one is not, she threatened them to wear the maid suit and take picture of it.

That's enough to make them work double hard.

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**NOTE**: Another chapter from me. This is more random, but I hope it suits your tastes. I wanted to make the next chapter but got no idea. Any random, crazy, insane ideas from you readers?


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